Monday, April 27, 2009

I've finally finished my exams, I've never take exams till so restless, meaningless and helpless like this time before. I'm like totally sian loh and i don't feel like going anywhere after my exams. I just feel like hibernating in my room for days and stare into the space. My mind is like a blank now, i just don't have the energy to do anything except staring into space. I have the intention to go beach tml, i just want to go there and stare at the sea for hours, just don't feel like using my brain. Haiz. I'm so sick with my studies, no matter how much time and effort i put in, i don't seem to understand what i'm studying. Chemistry is like so hard, every ques is so hard, every paper I don't really have much confidence. I feel super sian loh.

After my physical chem paper, i was totally super emo loh. I failed my test, now my paper is so hard that no matter how i count i don't know if my marks adds up to 52 just nice for me to get a pass in the whole module. Haiz, was super upset on wed and thurs, i kneeled down before God and cry cause i cant take it anymore, i don't know if the choice of studying chemistry is the right decision. Cos i feel like i no longer feel the joy of studying, i no longer have the peace of God being with me when i study, i always face with alot of difficulties. I seriously don't want to retake that module, my gpa is like so low already, if i really fail i think i'm going to be in 3rd class forever. And i seriously dont wan to take tht module bcos i dont like it i wan to get over it and i don wan a F in my transcript. Haiz. So many consequences i have to bear, alot of doubts, no faith, no shun fu, just filled with worries nothing but worries. But God really speak to me that two days, i don't know since when i actually never place my faith in him. Where is the shun fu. I always tell myself ever since the day i failed my olevels, whatever result i get i will shun fu. Ever since that time, God never fail to gif mi the grades that i want even till in uni even though my grades isn't that fantastic it's always still better than what i'll expect to get esp after finishing the paper. I don't know why this time i'm so faithless, so on fri i prayed again and i gif it all to him, whatever it is, the control is in Him and His peace is with me. So now i just have to wait for my results to release.

3 months of holiday, there's nothing to excite me, i know i have plenty of things that i wanted to do but i jus don't have the excitement and don't feel like doing anything. There're also things that i have to gif serious thought about it. I just feel that my life now is totally meaningless, i don wan to be so organise for once, i dont want to start studying every 8am in the morn break at 12 and 5 and end 12pm every night. For the next 3 mths, i just dont wan to be organise, i wan to do whatever that i like, anything that's not organise. And i hate strolling, i'm super stress during exams so i stroll along the canal every evening to destress, my face is like super gloomy and sian and stress, i guess those people who jog pass me sure think i was super traumatise or wad, i'm not going to stroll anymore.

I really feel like going to the beach alone and stone, ok i shall go on thurs.

10:33 PM

-Jing Juan-

Friday, April 03, 2009

I want to go Japan! Northwest Airlines is having a promotion-fly with a friend to Japan for $476 i think. So my friend and I was like @.@ - we want to go! And we start planning already. But because I'm accepted for the summer research and i do not know the exact date as some students say it's 2nd week of may some said it's 1st week or depend on your prof. So i cant decide also then i email my prof and my friend email hers too. Her prof is so gd loh, Dr tan said go ahead and plan your holidays, Japan should be quite nice in May, cooling weather. So i was like omg, he's so nice..but my prof never reply. =( However, I check my email today and my prof replied guess what he said....

Hi Jing Juan,
You should enjoy both the trip to Japan and summer research as much as you do.
So please plan your trip as you like. But do not forget to buy a souvenir to us, haha.I do not determine when we should start the summer research because there may be an international conference early in May.I will inform the starting date to all the summer research students later.
Where in Japan will you visit, Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka, or Hokkaido?
Regards,
Ne
YamaNe

So i was like oh my gosh! Yamane sensei mou ii desu! Haha...happy lei...can go without skipping my research so most likely will be first week of may. I really wanted to go but don't know lei somehow i feel like it's abit ex..my estimate budget is 1.5k, i'm staying in hostel..i already found one near to Ueno station...hmm....now still finding one more person...cause my friend was saying 2 person like abit sian...hmm who wants to go?

Then today after jap class i stayed back and talk to my sensei....today's the last lesson..i will miss her loh..she's very very nice....i really like how she express things and the way she speaks nihongo...then she told me lots of stuffs about japan...so nice of her....I don't think i'll taking jap 3..i hope not cause it's super hard i guess then i guess i wont be bumping into her...

10:03 PM

-Jing Juan-