Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I feel sorry for him. I don't know why but i do.

After so long i still cant forget. Is it his looks, height, education, financial capability or him that attracts me? This is so materialist. I cant believe that i became so materialist. Where's the old me that is easily contended. Somehow i think i changed alot these few years. The old me is contended with just little things but the new me now is so fickle minded who picks this and that. I must say looks and education is very important to me and i really mind. You can say i'm very "xian shi" but i can tell you right now i am. So is it just looks? Height? Degree? Rich? that matters? I've no idea.

I cant understand why i'm so fickle-minded now, one minute i'm into this the other minute i'm interested in that. I am not sure of my move now. Every day only aiming for my quota, it's so aimless. This job makes me aggressive, more selfish, only thinks of myself more and no compassion. Hmm ok think should be more compassion for those who are really hopeless but no for those who deserve it. But anyway, i don't know what i'm doing. I don't really like the selfish me now only thinking of myself, meeting my quotas but never give help to my fellow temp who's with me. Think my whole department people really dislike her and here i am not ehlping her yet trying to cause less problem for my department and hoping they don't dislike me as well. Basically just using abit of my EQ to make them like me. I have to stress that i never do anything fake or what. It's just that i always smile and try to be nice and talk to them nicely trying to make them think i'm alright la,but my friend doesn't she's pulling a long face to everyone everyday. I covered my own mistakes and if my friend happen to do something wrong, i will stress that it's not me that basically what i did. But somehow i feel that this is so unlike the past me. Usually i will speak up for people if i find a need but this time i just cover for myself that's all. So..i feel different.

I'm also beginning to "don't give a damn to how people feel" i'm taking things for granted. Haiz. I want to be alone as in to do my own things, have my own life but that's really just for the moment. I don't want to have people accompanying me home or to elsewhere where i can do it alone. I don't really need someone to ask me out for dinner everyday because i hope to eat at home. I also don't need someone to watch movies with me because i have other friends. I don't wish to chat every night cause i want to have my own time to do my things but once in awhile is ok. Having company is good but right now i don't wish to give my time up for someone yet.

I remembered someone told me, sometimes you tend to be a sail, controlled by the surrounding circumstances such as wind. Or you are a sanpan, trying very hard to roll through the river using your own might but why not be a motor boat in which God controls it. So i shouldn't let surrounding circumstances to affect me.

Way Back into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signsI know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking from someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And I you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

8:14 PM

-Jing Juan-

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Today after ending work i decided to go walk walk alone at Clarke Quay, on my way i called home asking if there's any letter from NUS. My grandfather said he haven go open letter box then i hurried him to open the letter box asap. Lol. So perhaps half hour i called again, then my grandfather said there's one letter for me. Wah..then i asked is it chocolate in colour cos my friend say so n aske dhim where is it from. He told me it's from poly, dots! Then i ask again, poly or uni???? Guess what my grandfather said, he actually pronounce the three letters "NUS" haha. Wah lao gan chiong loh, but he also don't know how to read the contents. So i called my mum and asked her to go home n help mi see the letter. About half hour later, i got an sms from her saying that i got accepted into NUS. So i called home immediately n aske dwhich course am i being accepted into. My mum keep saying what science science...so i clarify with her is "Food Sci" or what???? Then she replied is " Science (Chemistry/Applied Chamistry) so i sian 1/2. Then i asked her you confirm ma got read wrongly? Haha. She said no and she even ask my sister to read out for me. Wah lao when i heard that my heart almost sank. Zzzzz no food science. Well............ i shall appeal.

12:42 AM

-Jing Juan-

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Shifted to my new seat today far far away from my department staffs as well as Mitch but just next to my fellow temp frens. However, now if i have problems with nasty customers think i have to run all the way in which is quite impossible loh, haiz. I quite like my new seat loh, got my friends to accompany me.

Anyway i'm still waiting for my NUS letter!! Yesterday got new from shu ling that she got accepted by NUS food sci as well as cecilia but mine not here yet. So i start to get gan chiong already. Today towards the end of the day i'm quite gan chiong loh wanna get home asap to see if there's any letter from NUS. In the end NO..... But guess what i've got a letter from NTU instead. Mentioning that i've got accepted into Chemistry & Biological Chemistry. Well....happy and sad loh, that's actually my backup plan la just in case cant get into NUS. I still prefer NUS loh even if no Food science i also wanna get into NUS Chem. But i still prefer Food Sci lo, aiyo... Nus ah Nus kuai dian send mi letter tell me i got accepted into Food Sci!!

I went for M1 interview today, wah lao worst than my current. The interview is so damn hard lo, on the spot test you how you provide value added services to the M1 customers. Zzz...think mostly don't get it, anyway it's 7/hr, ok i know it's 50cents more than my current job but......aiyah don't know if get in then say.

Delay does not means denial keep on praying!!

10:38 PM

-Jing Juan-

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Early in the morning my boss ask my fren cf n i to his desk. Haiz, he asked" u both contacts are still very low can try to push up abit, i really can see a big diff between u both n the 3 guys in bank cards department" -__________-"" Sianz do u think i want that, my melita system is so slow loh. I wiated 15min for a call today. Haiz....Zzz

Anyway my effort to look for jobs yesterday was paid off, recruit express called me and M1 called me as well. I'm keen on the M1 job though my friend said it can be quite tough. Anyway i'm shortlisted for the interview, think the pay sure quite high no commission for the agency hee. If the pay is high, 5 days job and moreover M1 is just around my area, why not? Right now i'm also weighing the pros and cons loh. Hmm...

Anyway today work was quite pleasant, no nasty customers, but i'm quite mean today. I treat one cust like shit loh, he cant pay and knowing that i can extend abit of his paying date i refuse to do so. Reasons being, i cant hear what he say so that makes me quite pek chek, he thought we are his maid is it, never make payment and never see his statements still blame us never call him earlier only call when he's going overseas. Stupid loh, still need us give reminder call, you think you own the bank ah. So knowing that i can help him extend, i refuse, keep telling him no no no cannot and if you don't pay, you'll get blah blah blah....mean right? Yea i'm. Hazz.......

Why don't temps have email so tht we can chat with each other during work haha, perms have them loh, it's just exactly like msn. I have to walk to the bank cards department if we wanna find my colleagues for a chat or what, sianz...and cant really talk much of the time also. Anyway, today Mitch past his usual note over to my table since his is just next to mine but with that piece of glass. We're just chatting over some stupid stuffs haha but at least don't make work so bored. But passing that A4 paper over the divider is quite troublesome la and people may spot it loh, later they think wah why these 2 person passing letter to each other haha. And ppl may see it also. That's why temps shld have email also then we can communicate with ease....

Still waiting for my uni application~~ hmm.....

10:51 PM

-Jing Juan-

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Okay..finally got my album and had posted some photos inside feel free to look at them. So now stop complaining i haven't uploaded any ya?

11:57 PM

-Jing Juan-

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

I simply hate my job. Everyday to work is miserable. Do they treat temps like humans too, pls do so. What's so good if you focus so much on clients needs, service, values but never even treat at least temps which are also your employees with some human rights? I think it's shit loh. It really give mi very very bad impression abt my co, i dun feel any ownership in it at all. Though i'm only a temp, i take pride in my work, i chiong for my quota, i do my best, i work hard. But it's not my fault if i didn't hit it right? I do my best loh. What's that kind of look for temps? Shove us away when we need help? Initially i like my job, it's challenging, build up my skills n trains my patience n temper but slowly, i grew to hate it. I go work with smile =) i came back with full of anger n fustration venting them on ppl around me. I just end my work with full of stress n anger everyday loh, this suxs!

I think the only nice person in my department is Mitch lo, he's really helpful lo. Unless he's engage on the line or else he always n without fail will help us lo. I cant express out the kindness he has got. N he's a good listener too, for the past 2 nights i've been telling him my frustration in work on msn. He's really kind loh, at least understand how a temp feels. Unless the rest, n my TL Ajax,uRgHhhh...stop it, stop telling me how bad my quotas are, i dun wan that either!! I think he's a super dao person loh, a dude so what i think his personality suxs la, n i never think that he's good-looking afterall i don't why the previous temps think he's cool loh, my foot, pui!! Anybody who does not have any sympathy are very hopeless loh, i think. Yucks hate it!!!!!!! ArGhzzzz this suxsss!!!!

ANGRY ahz!!!!! I'm complaining......gota let everybody knows how bad a co like mine can be!!!! ArGh!!!!!! Hate it to the core!!

10:03 PM

-Jing Juan-

Sunday, April 01, 2007

I found my colleague friendster, Mitchell, a weird name right haha. Okay maybe i sua ku nv came across this name b4. But it sounds like a female name loh, once there's a cm who called in looking for michelle. Haha n there's no michelle, anyway anybody who spoke to any cm is stated n it's mitchell loh. Haha!! Anyway we call him Mitch. He sits jus next to me with that piece of glass. He's abit deaf or i m soft, cos he really cant hear what i say to him through that glass so he intended to remove it haha which is impossible! He's really really helpful loh unlike Ajax. Ask him for help still need to demand a treat from me.

Anyway tml is Monday again urgh!! I like this job bcos it's comfortable sitting at my seat, no need to use any strength or go under the sun or stand. It's just sitting there n type n type n tok. So relax then can read papers, sms n pass letter to my colleague. But i always make mistakes!!! Last week, i made a terrible thing lo, then got somebody shouted across two stretch asking Mitch " who's this J.E.A.N ah?" then her super loud voice pronounce my name " jean". When i heard that i was like shit, what thing have i made. Sian 1/2 la....whole department knows who i'm already. After work my colleagues asked mi what happen bcos basically everyone heard her spelling out JEAN!! What the................ Haiz. Sian. Then got once, i wasted the cm time to check stuffs, he's super angry loh, he ask what is yr name n surname, n transfer mi to customer serv line. Obviously to complain mi la. ZzzZz that day was like yucks! Sian 1/2 lo.... Haiz. Tml tml tml..............Lord.....pls.....let my every calls be easy to handle n managable!

In love You came to the world
In love You went to the cross

11:57 PM

-Jing Juan-