Sunday, October 29, 2006
I am.....
Bored, lonely, sluggish, grumpy, annoyed, irritated...............................................................
Haiz. WHY!!!
8:15 PM
-Jing Juan-
Sunday, October 22, 2006
I've been typing my report since.....................tired eyes.
After so long of MIA at home during sunday, i finally get to reach home early today. My uncle was like" wah today you are at home" -_-".
Today's sermon is powerful loh but stupidity me forget to bring my book!! Oh well what to do, squeeze onto the noticesheet loh. Hmmm.... Too long to blog for that.
I remembered pastor said something: Those who do not serve the Lord, those who do not come up and spread the gospel should humbly kneel down and seek for early death. Yea, that harsh! He mentioned about this guy who remain as a clown for the sake of God. Then he asked what can you do for God? Eh.... What?? Lord, what can i do for you?
Filled with guilt, it stills huants me, I know I am a sinner but Lord don't remove me away from your sight.
11:02 PM
-Jing Juan-
Saturday, October 21, 2006
I found the song " From This Moment"!!
Recently got to add this primary school friend of mine on friendster. Well she's in the same sec school as me but we didn't really talk much, different "stream" so can't really communicate much plus the friends from that "stream" are also not very nice to mix with. Ha..ok i know i am abit biased. Anyway she used to be my best friend in primary school but i don't know why we end up being quite mean to each other so since sec 3 we didn't talk any more and practically behave as if like strangers. I found her through another pri school fren aiyah anyway i found alot of my pri sch frens lately. Then i saw her with somebody..somebody...yea that somebody i used to "crush" on. My gosh.... I was like shocked. Firstly, when did the guy become so tall? He used to be well very very short, girls are usually taller during pri sch and he's real short. Secondly, she's the one keep telling me what's so good about the guy and so don't like him. Now she's....... oh well it's been years ever since i graduated i haven't been seeing him. Anyway i was just shocked nothing else. Hoho~
I am totally satisfied with my life now - happy and contended. Why do i need someone who will make my life more miserable. So please i don't want to hear her asking me go find another person neither do i want to hear her asking me to study hard so that i don't need to get married also can survive. Sickening and stupidity pissed~ Hmmm... I realised there's lesser of her nag recently, haha that's good but occasionally she'll pop by my room and start her conversation. That's alright but definitely not when i am watching my drama!! Heh....found the trick to stop all these nag - just keep answering " orh" " urm" "urm"urm"...... hehehehehe. To a certain extend i still appreciate la k. =p
I am reading the book - Out of the salt shaker, into the world.
2:33 AM
-Jing Juan-
Friday, October 20, 2006
Listening to music on youtube..yea cause i can't find some of the songs i want in the " white rabbit". Just finished a portion of my report.
Haiz. Went to see Mr Ting today, asked him what does he expects for the report. He said "creativity", he doesn't bound us or restricts us in anyway how we write the report. Hmmm..... report suppose to be formal mah...but that's not what he wants..haiz signz.... he did drop some idea on how to write..he wants the way the food journal is presented..a more lively way which communicates with the reader. -_-"" Zzzzz
Tired but yea tml no school!!
So tempted to watch finish the whole "Goong" on youtube but cannot cannot cause i don't have that much time to spend there. It's really really nice!!
God is always here When Dreams Come True~ I finished my book!
12:35 AM
-Jing Juan-
Friday, October 13, 2006
Today is friday the 13th...
Got a treat from Mr Ting yesterday...the 3 of us were like "hmm is he treating us for lunch or is he only asking us out for lunch but we pay ourselves" Then we're also thinking " is this treat the one he mentioned which is the celebration of our completion of fyp of just a normal lunch" cos the treat for the completion of FYP will be GREAT! He asked us go think of places for dinner...n i mean it will be internaltional buffet ok!! Oh.. my i cant wait...yummy!! He mentioned Shangri-la Hotel's buffet is superd...n whoa!! Lol....
He drove us to IKEA for lunch in his super cutEee car...haha a guy in that small car is abit hard to imagine loh...but he mentioned no point having big car in SG cos you cant drive around fast n our roads are congested plus..small car= easy parking...well that's what he said. He's really a fun-loving lecturer, we chatted everything under the sun. I cant believe he's my lecturer!! Ha...funny and cute are terms to describe him, his expressions are really...........
So we reached IKEA rest n found our table....then............he told us to go order first..then he took out $100 bucks from his wallet..n we're like whoa....lol...i remembered he said " go buy as much food as you all want...dun need to keep..eat as much as you all can with these money" N we're like @_@''...So........haha....."sua ku" us went to take as much food like we've nv had lunch for few days..we took Salmon set, cakes, chicken wings...most ex..fruit juice n plus their famous meatballs... total costing $45 plus plus..n we're like wah so ex...hmm then thinking of paying him back. He saw us taking so much food he was like" wow you girls know how to enjoy yourself" lol....n we wanted to pay him pay but he was like " this is nothing compared to the buffet which cost $50 per person n you girls really eat so little" Hmmmm.....perfect lunch!
We're suppose to discuss some impt survey laz...but in the end haha end up chit-chatting. Well..who cares since he never object. Hoho~
Anyway..CLS DnD is out!! Looking forward to it...theme suppose to be Retro Night but well Mr Ho said it is only decorations purposes dress code is = wear anything you like. Lol..cheerz........ piang* retro leh you think easy to find such clothes.... Formed my table already...well almost whole class is going...it's gota be a wonderful night....Geez.
Now rushing FYP report which is going to submit on the 22nd NOV. Well... really must be spider le...the term we used when doing FYP....n after FYP life will be Whooohoo~~ Yeah.....
9:51 PM
-Jing Juan-
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Do i have a choice but just to move away?
You know how important you are to me yet u still ask? I really cant bear to see the closeness between us falling apart. Here i can tell you that i am not holding on but my actions proved otherwise. I am left with no choice, you always cornered me, i don't have anything i have to say. You made the decision, can i say no? I don't have the choice but just to abide.
Yourself is the only concern then how about me? Is your selfish desires ever so important? You are willing to give me up just because of your time? Really disappointed when you said you want to give up because of your own time. Haiz. There you know its your fault and self blame? That is not my intention but to stop self-blaming is. Keep falling down and still unwilling to stand up, just lying down there?
Don't ask me if i still do....you know better.....
10:19 PM
-Jing Juan-
Monday, October 09, 2006
Happy 20th Birthday to myself!!
Haiz....the 2 there is always not very nice....boo.... Anyway....
Really appreciate my friends for that surprise cake from Bakerzin....it's super super super nice loh...Choc!! Well i guess it must be very expensive. Thanks for the effort....n celebrating in FC1 was like -_-"" at lunch time somemore but i guess not many people were looking laz..hahaz....
I wan the pics....
Hmmm... quite enjoy this special day cause i have so many wishes when i first on my hp in the morning, it has been flooded with smses. It's not the present that matters, its the sincerity that counts.
This year no sunflower...
And who say i no friend de ah? The person who say i no friend usually doesn't have many friends himself. Lol =P Bleah...
11:52 PM
-Jing Juan-
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Thanks to my fellow church friends!! Haz..really thankful, always shelter with all of your blessings. I thought i would have to spend it alone this yr but it's not loh so i m very touch. As everbody knows i am very emotional so i always sobs, luckily the pics n video are all with me hoho...Anyway as usual i just feel very "chou" today la...haiz. everytime people like to take my super ugly side of me..n i don't know why? Aiyah whatever i am use to it....... but i seriously remembered that banana thingy which happened on my 18th BD...urgh..... n..haiz.. stop calling me AUNTIE!! Because i am not....i think i am numb to it already loh...in school it happened this way in church also..oh my.....all because of that yi fan....... argh...... okay nvm i "ren"...
It's gota be the end of my digit 1 age in half and hour's time. My first 20 years...how do i spend it? That doesn't matter because it's past...but for the 20th year onwards how do i spend it..that's the thing....gota learn from past mistakes, be determined and always filled with hope. Have the courage to serve.
I cant explain the feeling i am feeling right now. Blessed but yet felt abit remorseful. Every Sunday i am filled with the enthusiam because i am able to go to service n worship n i m happy...but everytime after that i will feel very remorse n lost. It's like a from monday....i was at recovery state n up the peak till saturday...n when sunday its here there's a drastic drop..n monday i have to restart everything over again....Don't really like this feeling...it's kind of a torment. Do i have a choice? Have to overcome right?
I remember...
how you spent my 18th ...19th.....birthday with me....
20th.....you are no longer here....
11:26 PM
-Jing Juan-
Friday, October 06, 2006
Today is Lantern Festival cum my small bd feast. My grandma cook my favourite chilli crab, yummy....heee...Finally can have a real dinner at home. It's been a long long time i haven't been at home for dinner. =)
Have been walking alone most of the times, bought a very very nice journal which i have been looking for a long long time. Decided to start writing journal...
Sentimental? Emotional? I wanted to do away with those.... Realistic and rationale are something that i lack of....
I do have to learn right? I am very very particular about how people look at me. I am afraid they will see my loneliness when i am walking alone. It's really not a big deal being alone but.... I seriously don't like Friday night...somehow i feel very.........
How do i live.........
10:07 PM
-Jing Juan-
Thursday, October 05, 2006
I saw this clip on my friend's friendster....just happen to pop by. So i watched...i find it very familar in the beginning...but can't remember where..untill the very middle to last part when it shows that something was spilled to the girls' eyes then i recalled i saw this clip on my way to Melbourne. My friend showed this clip to me on her mp3 player which was not very clear but still alright la..however that time was already like don't know 3 or 4 plus le n..super tired but can't sleep on that plane due to some noisy fellows behind chatting. I never really pay attention to it. There she is keep telling me it's very touching..very very touching...n i was like ...tired..... so i " orh" then i don't find it touching cause i don't understand the whole thing at all. Now when i watch it again...indeed it is very touching...even though it's only a video.
12:30 AM
-Jing Juan-
