Thursday, August 31, 2006

Busy busy busy.. Finally i can stay at home!! I haven't been at home from Mon to today....i went out very early then got home very very late for my past few days. I have been shopping n shopping, fyping and fyping. Morning do my fyp, evening i went out with my friend. These two days i have been spending alot...haven't check my bank account think it's going to be empty. Ops..anyway i bought alot of things..yep..bought another shoe...now i have altogether 3 pairs of shoes which i have yet worn..i bought another bracelet..my don't know how many ?th one....and they are all kept in my cardboard didn't get the chance to wear them....... er o_O"

One week passes so fast, cant imagine...oh...my...........

Anyway i was busy today as well gota type my fyp, do research and many things la..haiz.. also don't know where to start....and my market survey.....dots...i think i have to stay at hm more next week..cannot anyhow run le....Ke lian loh holiday still no freedom...wana go out also must finish my fyp first.....haizz.... But my supervisor is very nice..he's just more like a friend to me rather than like a lecturer.....he's forever that funny..i don't think my friends ever communicate so well with their supervisor but our group is like always in good contact with him...he knows our every movement...as in..whether we are doing fyp in sch or at know slacking he always know de loh...through a sms.....other groups were like their supervisor also don't know what they are doing... hmmm lucky us....

3:00 PM

-Jing Juan-

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Okay. These few days was hmmm fine...because i don't see him. LOL. Anyway i am quite sure of what i am doing actually though i am sad cant skip the fact. Sad is an expression, emotions and feelings can be more or less controlled and deep down in my heart somehow i feel peace. Never have such peace before, perhaps i am also tired. I haven't really feel deep happiness already when we're together. These few days i have been thinking..maybe it's just not suitable. Not that feelings are really gone but it's more of our character and the way we see things cant really match and it always lead to quarrel. Today someone told me, you don't have to find one that sees your outlook, find someone that you can "pei(4)" with him, character is similar and most importantly love God. Well true. We'hv been tuo tuo la la for quite some time already, in the end still don't know what we really want. Anyway future is so uncertain and worst he don't know what he wants actually. Freedom or something to tied him down? It's really quite unfair to me so a stop may not be bad. For me, I am also more of in my own dream world thinking that as long as there's love and feelings hadn't change things can work out. I haven't really consider the not compatible part. I always thought, character can change and we can compromise but somethings is just him and i have to accept, i failed to realise that some things cannot change. I recalled back these few months when things really got so terrible, there's just no more room to communicate any longer. I don't know how, it's just " fei stop bu ke".

Smsed him just now to see how's his life in TW but he called back actually. I was really surprised. That time i was happened to be viewing at my album...the album.....where all my movie tickets, whatever receipt and whatever letters and pictures were inside. Sad but still have to move on....and i am determined. That's just past. The future will decide for itself. I am determine because........so many things..........

When we bend our knees to pray, God bend His ear to listen.

10:19 PM

-Jing Juan-

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Seriously sad. Got to read his blog seriously again not just glance through. Why has all this started? Since he know he's a loner, why does he still want to start this relationship. Giving me all the promises that seem so real. Making me feel as if i am so blessed before. And why me believing that everything will work out as if like dreaming previously.

When i recalled the day when we're together and everything i just felt terribly horrible. Why hasn't i waited? I know there's no use asking why and so many whys but i cant help it.

Arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:51 PM

Okay I don't feel really good now. Think he should be on the plane, intended to say goodbye to him over the phone but i think i was abit late as he had off it. Was indeed quite upset. Everything's over! Really have to move on.

I seems to be enjoying myself over at East Coast, my class gathering today but deep inside me was horrible. Recalled of the days when we were there. I was blading today, the more i blade along the path that we once bladed, the more sad i am. Why hadn't i cherish those days more? Haiz.

Anyway, the class outing isn't very successful. As usual our class is not that united at all. Very few people turn up. After eating, the half of them just sit at the benches there slacking whereas the half of us went blading. 3 hours of blading was indeed tiring. Afterwhich we went Lido watch "Love Wrecked" There's me, penny, gillian, rebecca Val squeezing in wuhao's car. We were rushing for the 6pm show and the time when we left east coast is already 530pm But since wu hao got car, it shouldn't be a prob to reach there by time. But unfortunately that no sense of direction guy, got car but don't really know the directions brought us to don't know where and we're like as if taking a spin on his car and his speed was shocking!! Still, we reached there by 555pm, lol and bought the tickets and luckily the show hasn't started.

It's been a long time ever since i watch movie with my friends cause practically every movie i watched was with him. I really like such shows, love comedy but he doesn't and because of it we always ended quarrelling. Sometimes i think isn't it great to watch with friends also save the hassel of quarrelling. But today the feeling is weird as i always have him around. I thought maybe i could watch such shows to brighten me up but haiz think i was wrong. Though its funny and i mean really funny, really like Amanda Bynes, she's cool, sexy, bubbly, adorable, it's still a love story right? With my situation, hard to accept loh.

After watching that i am real bad! Zzzzz

Tml and Sat i will be occupied. Thankfully. Sad thing is sat night, initially planned to go out with fang,kj n matt. But last min kj cant book out so gota postpone. Well just have to go home after TQ. Going home is haiz.. not sian la i like my home but i don't wish to quiet down myself. Once i am alone, i will be terribly awful.

10:37 PM

-Jing Juan-

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Okay today is the last day of my exams and also a farewell to this relationship.

I have been praying and praying for a definite answer.... i know that it's going nowhere but i keep holding on. It is building a relationship not a "whooco staco" or "lego"which after playing you can jus dismantle it or something. A relationship, you know how hard it is to sustain? I feel as if only i am holding on to it but i know he did put in effort. It's been like up and down up and down for so long already and i seriously prayed. I told God if one day i decided to put down, please give me the strength and courage. So today i decided to put down. I no longer want to be sad, keep plugging to old memories or keep dwelling or what. If that's what i had decided i must be determine to walk out of this thing. I know from today onwards everything will change but well decision is final already, nothing's going to change.

Cant deny that i am terribly terribly sad but till now i haven cry yet. I think it's time to control my emotions and i really have to learn. But when i need to cry, i definitely will let go. I will control as far as i could. Haiz too much memories, everywhere there's our presence before, i wont erase them off, when time passes by i think they will fade... Yes, i know i am sentimental but i think i will learn from this relationship, so from now... i will be more careful with my emotions. It's time to reflect, not to hope that there may be a chance but to try to see and understand myself better.

When i see that the future is so far and without him, i am really very scared but i still have to move on. I always thought, in my future he will always be there but life is really unpredictable. Nobody knows that it will become like this. Will i be happy if he hadn't be here or we hadn't even started or maybe we should wait? I don't think i will be any happier even though the end of this relationship is very sad, i really enjoyed every of his companion. And i seriously think we should have waited instead. Well there's no point.

My blog is going to be very dark for well many months ahead...so if u guys cant stand it then don't see le la lol....cos i think i will take long time to come out of my circle.

11:19 PM

-Jing Juan-

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Today is the first day of my examination...Nutrition paper!!! It's finally over..i cant imagine!!! Haiz.. because of this paper study n study n study until i feel like i am insane..... it's over..yea...haiz...i still have to comment on this paper.. i would say that it is quite hard esp. the MCQ haiz.. so tricky must the from Mrs Tay, she always set extreme hard ques... the Section C was alright not like previous years paper...really Zzzzz.... Filled with stress and anxieties when i enter the exam hall...aiyo..my most worried paper....don't know how well i did....

I was just too stress this morning.....till.... i forgot to tap when boarding the bus...-_-"" i happily hold the Ezlink card in my hands and walk pass the driver without tapping n worst there's only few ppl boarding so he quickly spotted me...n when i sit down...the driver than came and ask mi to tap....wah piang...so pai seh loh....whole bus passenger looked at me i guessed....UrGh! Throw my face!!! That time i really wish there's a hole somewhere for mi to burried in. -_-''''' ZzzzzzzzZ

Many things which i think is funny happened today.... i recieved a sms today from a unknown person asking me to go for an interview for some IT show model thingy....and don't know it's a "he'' or ''she'' said that she/he will be at the place... so i was like er.... "huh" so i replied back that she/he got the wrong person as the sms was not for me but for another girl instead. I thought that sms will end but she/he replied with " it's ok than u you can also come down"... i was like dot dot....wahha so i replied that person " i don't think i fit into yr requirement cos i am already 35 yrs old" wahhahahahah......lol....-_-"" heee

???? ???????
????? ?? ????
???? ???????
????? ??
???? ??

10:41 PM

-Jing Juan-

Friday, August 11, 2006

Nice Layout Right?




















First Half~










2nd Half~

Update on 9th Aug - Its National Day

We got a treat from Li Qin!! Hmm though i still don't know the reason why she is treating us but aiyah anyway free meal haha. We had our fabulous meal at Kenny Rogers ( Marina Sq)!!

Pictures are uploaded.

11:28 PM

-Jing Juan-

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Should go or should i not go? Actually i intended to stay at home and well online chit chat with people lol...but just now recieved a call from kj asking me out for supper..well abit hmm wanna go...but.......tml gota wake up early to study leh.... how?

Tired me....studied the whole day for my nutrition!!! ArGh!!!! So many things to remembersss why i cant simply get all the RDA..... Life cycle thingy into my head.....

Why am i drifting away?

Lord, give me strength to trust You when Life's burden seem too much to bear;
Dispel the darkness with new hope And help me rise above despair.

10:17 PM

-Jing Juan-

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Listening to Tian(1) Kong(1)............

So tired loh during studying....my one whole list of nutrition things to study from pregnancy to old age..Zzzzz but i enjoy it la i wont take it as studying for the sake of exams but i study for the sake of knowledge and i like nutrition. Hoho.....My eyes almost close while studying but once i online wah..suddenly so energetic cause so many people to chat with hehehe.... hmmm why har? Keke...

Why is my world so grey now? Though i don't feel grey, i am still who i am leading my proper life, i still cant help cause there's like something plugging me. Everyday it seems like its affirmation from God through His words. I don't know seriously don't know.... i just have no time.................have i know the answer??

Today's sermon....
Pastor mentioned... when one keep searching and searching for God, he may not get the answer to satisfy himself but when he trust that God is there.......he will find God.

10:27 PM

-Jing Juan-

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Still working on my last report. Boo~ why is the information so hard to find??? And time passes so fast it's now 1pm already. Dotz.. should be Zzzz time....

Class ended at 3pm today, skipped my lunch for the make up class.......n after the class guess what...most of the stores in food court 6 is closed. How can they closed so early don't they know that there are class even untill 5pm. Aiyo so lousy loh. OppS =p Haiz.. sadly i had to leave. Then went to Science Park II The Alpha to collect my sample. Before that i actually went to the website to check out for the directions to go there. It stated that there is a shuttle bus from Clementi Interchange or alternatively can take bus 200 from Bouna Vista. Lazy me was thinking hmmmm....shuttle bus sure drop me outside the entrance bus bus 200 still have to walk leh....so i went to clementi....but stupidity me never notice that the shuttle bus is only for morning service and there's a break before the evening one start operating...

I walked blurrly around Clementi interchange looking for the shuttle bus...assuming that it will be at the stand where the Ngee Ann shuttle bus is..but i was wrong.....nowhere the shuttle bus to be seen..so i went back to the control station to ask the person where's that shuttle bus located at....since every of the bus driver i asked couldn't provide me with the directions i wanted. And guess what....he said" the shuttle bus is not avaliable" Dotz....so i asked if there's buses going.... luckily there is 183 from the bus-stop. In the end also gota walk loh!!! But only a short distance la~

Inside The Alpha, it's so quiet. Not even a single person is seen. I wonder why?? Hmm? >-< So went to collect my modified starch sample from National Starch. So paiseh everytime get sample from them but never order...er...........they are too kind already.....Waited for Benny the supplier to come at the lounge there, well i think the environment is good. Hmm...nice working environment, nice air-con, nice layout....everything nice...haha.... Finally he's here, haiz.. busy men everytime cannot find him....took me so long then to collect the sample.... there i got my starch.....yea...he explained all the stuffs..specs will be emailed to me soon...i also asked him quite abit about the hi-maize we're using from him...aiyo so many calculations to do.. i seriously had no idea....how to start...gota ask my proj mate..she's good at it... Then chit chat chit chat....and so nice of him to offer me a ride back to clementi..haha no need to waste $$ and wait for the slow slow bus....Find out quite abit of things from him......like his work environment....all sorts.. cos i think working in starch company also not bad.... can work in RnD sectors.....hmmm......

Waiting for thurs to do FYP, he said this modified starch can actually make our cookies crunchy and crispy...no more troubles in improving etxture already hahaha..waiting for my nice cookies to be borned........=)

1:12 AM

-Jing Juan-

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Too busy to update what about the D & D organised by SIFST. In case nobody knows what's that, it's actualy singapore Institude of Food Science and Technology. LOl... I went for this D&D at M hotel in Tanjong Pagar. First time going for such event and you must be wondering why I am there. Well... our lecturer asked us to join as members since we're food students and should know more of the industry peoplethus also encourage us to go to the dinner as well. Hmm... i think it's not a bad idea afterall since well next time i also have to go out into the industry to work so might as well know some of these people when i am schooling so at least when i graduate there's some contacts with them.

The place is not very posh...just average class hotel i guess.... well the food is nice....first dish got my favorite optopus!! Hoho... Well tooks lots of pics....i wonder we're there for picture taking or what....seems like grad night like that...or maybe we never go for such "da chang Mien" before...so keep taking picsture and worst still at the same corner...haha everybody's background is at the same spot if u notice...lol....Well..didn't actually mingle with the people there cost we simply don't know them..... so just stick around....

10:43 PM

-Jing Juan-