Monday, May 22, 2006
Today i woke up feeling weird. There's a kind of fear in me and the whole day i was feeling weird. Hmm, can't explain why i am feeling that way. Maybe i am abit tired. I purposely skipped the 8 am lesson today. My weekends were so busy, i hardly get the chance to rest. I am too tired, restless n lack of energy.
I just receive my broadband package. My time slot was from 6pm to 9pm. I waited at 6pm for the delivery man to come..but there's was nobody. I waited n waited.... till 830pm. Wah still haven come. Hmm then i was thinking wah if he never deliver to me i am going to complain to singtel n ask them to give me free wireless hehe. As i was thinking it's 9pm already....n the door bell rang. Shit. I was still happily thinking that maybe i can get some free stuffs out of it the stupid deliver man reach on the dot. #$%%^&$## Sadly, i went to receive my package n stupid enough after fixing everything i realise that it can only be activated 4 days after delivery because i chose it to be... so dumb..i should put activated on the day of delivery!!! Now i can't use my broadband. Have to wait till sat n after 5pm!!!
Super angry!
10:27 PM
-Jing Juan-
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I begin to read the purpose driven life again. Lost in direction...the only path out is through God's word. I don't really recalled the last time when i read this book. Cant even remember the exact contents of it. Ha~ But I am all along thinking of various things that occurred and somehow i am abit tired, begin to analyse and I want to be focus again. So, i took out this book. Decided to commit once again to the 40 days of well..finding my purpose in this world.
In life, I am so call always worrying...my futher career, my studies, spouse, health and many more.... it's always about me. Especially in my poly years, i am....i also donoe what i am doing... till i read my book again. It says...we always fucus on ourselves asking questions like "what should i do next time? "My future prospect" and more but that's the wrong beginning....not myself...but God. I must begin searching with God, my creator.
You were made for God, not vice versa, and life is about letting God use you for his purposes, not your using him for your own. Haiz. So ashamed. Really ashamed. I don't know what i am doing. Can you see all the while i am using God and not the other way.
It mention "you were made by God and for God and untill you understand that, life will never make sense" Without God life makes no sense. No wonder my life makes no sense because I have been drifting. And my light is not there. But now i am walking out..n i am determined to walk out.
I feel more relief now, at least I know where I m heading...
10:08 PM
-Jing Juan-
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Broke.....Went for Chalet yesterday @ aloho.... n guess what i took cap home. Gosh so ex..20 plus...@_@ but i do reach home quite early so think it's ok la...
As usual today got class...every morning when i reach school..the 1st thing i had to endure is my classmates nagging...on her FYP..everyday fyp fyp fyp...i super cant stand it already......but haiz what to do i have to endure endure n bear with it.....i almost want to shout "can you stop yr FYP!!" but of cos i wont do that....but i m really fumming...... pls..pls..pls.....don't talk abt yr fyp again la.... aiyo....i listen le also sian loh...no more complains pls.......
We'll be starting our FYP soon....fill with alot of ideas, formulation...n recipies to be finalised....met the company boss today...haiz.. no discount card haha...or else can patronise his outlet for free or maybe at least 50% ma....we're like free labour help his company do product development leh....hehe our soy slurry is coming....commencement of our fyp!
11:32 PM
-Jing Juan-
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Wah..tired. after reaching home from Church i slp from 2plus till 6...hee....
I reached home at around 2plus last night. Went to have dinner with my sec sch frens, act. only joy, ml n me while michelle joined at a later time. Haz. I was late as usual...=p before having our dinner, we went to take pic..it's been a long long time since we're together..."shi jian guo de hao quai" my friend is now an official nurse, another one a child care teacher....think few years down the road we'll have our own career, own world n own life..then it will be harder to meet up...Anyway we went to a restuarant called Phin's Steakhouse..seems ex right? but actually its cheap..n the steak is quite nice loh...i only spend 10 dollars..keke..... n the ambience there is very romantic....so we chit chatted for very long while waiting for michelle to end her work at project shop...
We're there planning where to go after she come....movie....pub...club...KTV...pool....or jus sit at any coffee bean....in the end we wanna go wtach Daisy....so we went PS..... sad to say...the tix for the show were all sold out...haiz.. so...we're left with nowhere to go.... we think n think n think.....still no place.....that time was already 11 plus.... KTV? too ex...... pool too boring.....club..michelle weare flip flop cant go in....so left with pub...so we went boat quay.....walk n walk n walk.....don't know which bar to go in......lol.....no nice place..... n too indecisive..... so we cont to walk..chat.. walk..lol.... finally we found Eski Bar....hmm...freezing cold when u look from outside....haha anyway...it's a nice place.. cos there's nobody inside.....ya nobody...not those "luan" ones....no smoky atmosphere....no drunkards....quite peaceful...but quite cold la...it's jus that i had endured the "cold" in Melbourne so this is nothing haha..... then we ordered cocktail....the recommended ones form the girl..cos there's simply too many drinks.... n i ordered Artic Ice...hmm it's some milky liquor quite nice...... but v. ex...... but anyway it's once in a while so it's ok la..anyway that's how i reach hm at around 2 plus.... but i nv fail to miss service... i will wake up de....jus that during classes will doze off abit...=P
Anyway........
I have dug out the ans....now the choice lie with me..... I am going to cool down..reflect...make the right decision....not harsh decision... i need some time to think..... seriously need...
Accountable? Responsibility? Faithfulness... i m further n further away from all these terms i don't know what they mean now....
8:43 PM
-Jing Juan-
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Haiz....
What am i doing? I still don't know what i am doing? Where's my focus? My direction? I seems to lose everything? Where to start???
Haiz.... i have to find back my pillar..... I don't even know if i rely on the right pillar in the first place... where's my wall?
Why would one have no emotions at all? Is everything base on feelings? When u feel right then everything is good when u feel sian then everything is not good. If Jesus were to feel like that, we will not have eternal life. Must everything be so calculative? Fair? What is fairness?? I wish everything is fair but its not....it never will...when i was young I was never brought up in a fair world... Nothing is ever fair, i try to make myself to think in such a way that "hey it's not true" but no...nothing is fair... but when i look at Jesus' actions I know what is sacrificial. If Jesus were to think of "fairness" i think He wouldn't have died for us. Haiz... I always have the very strong mentality that one must fight for what he/she ones... n i mean never to give up... but when comes to some things... sometimes sacrificing may not be bad...
oh well....the other half have been cut away.....nvm abt that then
10:56 PM
-Jing Juan-
