floating on clouds;

Monday, October 31, 2005

Wah...today is the 1st day of school, so sian!! Haha~ my lesson starts at 12pm so not so bad...n it ended at 3..i skipped one lab briefing haha...anyway not very impt since it's only the 1st week. Well i am still in my holiday mood, don't want to start school so early loh.... YawnZ

1st thing when i reached school, i rushed to check the noticeboard to see if i got the outstanding performance but too bad it's not release yet..oh gosh...so excited...i wanna get loh.... =)

I had planned my day for tml, yeah.... n it's to ZzZZzzzzZzzzZzzzzZZZZZz haha..slack, lie on my bed..wah so shoik.....but..unfortunately........my friend mention choc buffet..he was asking if i was interested n can "sun pian" celebrate yf's birthday...well..choc buffet leh..hmmmmm....haha...wah....temptation is very great...wah.. i still dunoe hahaha... see how 1st.... but..aiyo....mi now at very broke state....but..haiz.....well...choc....

Today actually planned to eat steamboat but...well....it was cancelled in the last min..sad...i eat very little for lunch just for the steamboat but.....hai..no gd food.... bleah...

10:30 PM

-Jing Juan-

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Wah....wake up @ 9am....so rare.....haha.....then received an sms...darryl said he's meeting me for lunch....huh....lunch....i was like ah? Blurr.....cos he today got physio then only need to book in @ 3pm....wah....he wants to meet me for lunch leh...weird though....

So i made sushi.......then brought him some.... because of the sushi i was very very late for the appointment...really scared he would scream loh...he always says" y u everytime late!!!!!!" or "next time i don't wait for you le!!!" all in harsh tone...n my stupid bus wasn't here upon waiting for 5 mins...wah.. i was so gan chiong loh.... really don't want to be scolded... then i took a cab down....hai~ really broke le these few days..then still take cab worst..y isn't my bursary here yet????Haiz..the fare was ex loh... from Jurong to Clementi $5.40 leh....aiyo.. i take bus it's only $0.80 to $1.20..haiz...ex leh....sobs~

Quickly rushed to him...n apologise...hmm he seems to be in good mood..haha...not being scolded...phew.....then passed him the sushi...in the end we never eat lunch only sushi...n bubble tea....wah...very full le....then accompany him to bukit timah plaza walk abit...n i headed hm...what a day? Ha~

Spring cleaned my room....Hmm....actually today i decided to go out walk walk myself..or catch another movie...hehe...but well....nvm.....

I really want to watch that show "All about love". Think it's very nice loh...Haiz....who want to watch?? My friends are not free leh....hmm nvm...will find my way haha...aiyah but i am broke....i still owe M1 $60...heck care ha...wait till next mth n see how.....

8:31 PM

-Jing Juan-

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Reached hm @ 8.04 plus am in the morning...yawnZ..

Yesterday, my friends n i went back to school for Gems regist. I will be taking Personal Financial Planning module this sem. Think should be quite fun, Linnet n Georgina are also in the same class with me yeah. At least not alone anymore, spend my last 2 Gems class alone, sian ah! Afterwards , the 5 of us went to Marina Square, it's been a long time since we are tog, it's seldom the 5 of us can meet up, perhaps also 1 sem once. Went to MS Hans for dinner, took alot of pictures, the food there are quite cheap well, worth it la... Then L suggest that we go Esplande haha....the roof top....where i went just last week....we chit-chatted loh.. took pictures, enjoy, talk n talk n talk.....lots of complains about alot of things...hee....Time flew so fast loh, it's really late that time maybe 10plus...then georgina also going back to Malaysia but it's too late le....Then don't know who suggest that we should go to her house since there's nobody there as she's living alone in SG. Her house is 2 storey somemore, nobody's living, empty..which means can have fun hehe... So we went.....took 960 to Bt Panjang...Got tibits, L went back hm to get clothes for us since she live nearby....then we stay in her house..Hmm.. very cool loh, nobody's bothering us..can do whatever we like.....Then we played games, chatted till almost dawn n we fell asleep....
I slept throughout the journey home, ha~ tired....but i enjoyed alot...rarely stay out with friends...everytime it's with him....so this time really enjoy....It's really since a long time i ever really have fun with friends.....

Went hm n slept for only 2 hours n i have to wake up...my friend wants to watch movie...so had to check the time slot....went to watch 40 yr old virgin @ westmall.....er.. first time the person asked for our IC...he said we look young....come on...young????? at least got 18 ba i think....i also never wear shorts.....he don't believe so we showed him my IC n my friend's driving license loh...ok it's license......haha....then he's like er "oh ok"...haha....don't believe we're 18 n above.....Anyway this show is horrendous....hmm..suggest not to watch....for me it's ok...cause...well..just don't mind.....there's alot of porn...F word...more n more vulgarities.....that's y it's M18...hmm..n really yucks la some parts haha.....anyway i think the ending is quite nice...so overall it's quite a nice show though beginning it was rather boring.....

After movie, she left for tuition n i went hm..... well.. these few days i have been going out with my friends....I want to be independent.....i want to find other people...just want to have my own life.....hai~ y m i still like a "leech" if it is spelled this way... hai~ stress... i am stuck...i also don't knpow what should i choose.....?????????????

10:49 PM

-Jing Juan-

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Haiz....shit loh.........really shi ah! everyone's reaction is the same as mine when we saw our timetable..... it's "shit!!!!!!!!!!" Ah! Imagine 3 days from 9 to 6 loh...some even 8 to 6.....hectic!!!!! My gosh!!!! Never expected!!!! Oh no.....sure no time for tutorial, assignments n reports.........argh!!!!!! Haiz...........sobs....my sem will be tired...stress....no life...more no life.... haha....

Well, tuesday gota register for gems module, well i am going to put it on monday which i have one whole morning of breaks....don't waste my time haha... sure gota always stay in school to do assignments cause by the time i reach hm it would be too late!!!! Haiz.. i still never ex[ected..my friends were like " wah sei, xiong!" or maybe "wah die" Or "haiz.. 3 days till 6" hahaha same reaction!!!!!

=( wat to do....... my friday also gone le loh....sobs......till 6 loh...with 3 hr break....haiz..they so dumb de dunoe how to shift forward.....bleah stupid coordinator....haha ops =X

Anyway it's time to plan schoolwork schedule already, well...pretty hard though..... Pray!!!

11:01 PM

-Jing Juan-

Friday, October 21, 2005

Hmm.. nothing to do so decided to blog. Well at least i will be going out with a friend later. Hai.. my grandma has been asking me where i am going who i am going out with and why i always go out??? Hai.. Quite annoying, she's like don't want me to meet anybody, well but it's not possible cause i am going to have back my life. Over the 2 yr plus i really don't know what i am doing, kind of no life, now it's different everything i have to be independent again. Just kind of want to enjoy before i reach 20 or 21 hee, i used to think 17 to 20 are the days when young people mostly enjoy, well did i? I am always studying, or BGR? or church? Now other than those things i want to at least do something i never do before, haven't think abt it but soon.

Went out with char then followed by meeting my sec sch friends. Just the usual few yf, rw,matt, too bad kj never come cause he's broke ha~ cant believe it a person who works can be broke haha. Well, went to secret recipie for dinner cause couldn't decide where to eat. Only 3 of us then matt haven't arrive, chit-chatted, catch up with what they are doing. Yf's having attachment plus fyp n rw's doing fyp. Haiz well as usual i am one yr slower than them but never regret what God's leads. Yf's planning to go aust also wow, me too loh. However, still hoping to get good grades n stay in local uni. If really cant then maybe can join her. Hee. Well, sooner or later rw n e rest will be going NS soon. It's very fast, imagine few yrs ago we're still studying Os now they are only left one more sem before NS. Wow. Fast!! Then waited for matt to come, planned to watch movie that's y he came down...but haha....we're short of time the movie's starting in 1/2 hr's time we rush to take cab but too bad the queue was too long. Waited there like dumber, then decided to walk loh since can't catch the show le. Well then walked to Esplande, goodness don't know who thought of that idea haha why's 2 girls n 2 guys doing there so late? Anyway never realise that there's an open air terrace on top of esplande, the scenery's really beautiful. then cont to chat about results, school, fashion, what they going to do after graduating, all crapy stuff but fun.

Then cont to walk ha~ tired leh, walk to find cab, there's no cab loh....so we walked to boat quay from 10 plus we walked till 1135 n finally got a cab. As we walked we also chit chatted..wow my friends are very smart, their friends are smarter, can you imagine you took 7 modules per sem n you get 7 distinction all the way. Wah really siao loh...never seen such person....so smart!!! & disct loh...i don even have one since yr 1..well i never ask from God hee as long as i have A i m satisfied cause i know i am not clever it's all God's grace. Yup! Yf's also very clever as well as matt..study the same course with him he's got roll of honour twice before loh....smart k....haha~ stress ah when talk about results with them..haha but's it's also motivation...

Anyway i really hope i can get outstanding this time, really hope..... =) when she reopen i am going to the cls board to check! well never put in too much hope la.. cause i know my friends are very smart as well, i m sure there will be some who get maybe 4 dist n all As. It's sometimes very stressful to see the ppl around you are always so smart n hard-working......

11:11 AM

-Jing Juan-

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

CP4036 QUALITY ASSURANCE & STATISTICS = A
MS2227 ENGINEERING MATHEMATICS II = A
CP4016 CHEMICAL ENGINEERING PRINCIPLES = A
CP4024 FOOD CHEMISTRY B = A
CP4025 FOOD MATERIALS & PROCESSES = A
CP4090 INTRODUCTION TO FOOD PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT = B
CP002S SCENTS, CENTS AND SENSE = B

Is this really my results, rub rub my eyes....it really is i cant believe it.....i cant really really cant...never expect to get such grades really never... i was so stress up during the whole sem loh....hectic....i don't know why it's so gd...i expect a B for my Food chem cos i did very badly for test!!! Haiz.. it's God's grace....maybe He thinks that i couldn't take any more blow le.....i thought i would get C for my gems module loh..wow never expect can at least got a B Well....good enough le....so glad loh....relief.... phew.......

Don't know this sem can get outstanding ma...hehehe..can qualify to get scolarship le. Well....still have 3 more sems to go. Jia you... i know before i knew it, i will have grad le...so fast.....

Time n Tide wait for no man.

Well, at least got something to cheer me up. Or else hai~

9:55 AM

-Jing Juan-

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I am trying hard...jia you!!

Though i know there may not be much hope left, i still want to try. Well things will never be like before...yes..but well why not let it be better than before. Feelings will never be the same, why not let it be more. I know whatever he do and say will hurt me deeply but i still will not give up. I know the way he look at me will never be the same, i will still not give up. I know even if he does not love me any more, i will still hang on. I don't want to give up because i know what kind of feelings it is when someone had given you up.

Well, don't know what the outcome will be like in a month's time. I will sun fu.

In the future he may not be by my side but i hope in the future he's always by God's side.

Hai~

5:58 PM

-Jing Juan-

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Haiz~ Days had past and i still cant get over it. One day i am fine, the other day i am not. One day i thought i was alright, other other moment i am not. One day i was calm, the other moment i was loss. One day i was peaceful, the other day i was hopeless. One moment i feel relax, the other moment i was tense up. I feel so tense, no peace at all, hopeless, dejected, scared, loss n sad.

I am no longer part of his life. Everything changes, sometimes i still think that i am still in his life but it is not. When will i ever walk out of his life. Hai~ why like that...

Stupid TJJ, wake up k! People don't want you le! Haiz. I know but why cant i stop my itcy hands and not sms him................. haiz...

Everyday is miserable.

11:24 PM

-Jing Juan-

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Hmm.... Well today i spent my day well. Hmm... haiz....

Afternoon met charlene to watch movie, haha we keep changing the time loh, girls are always late. Dot. From 130 then to 145 then to 2 then to 2 plus... hehe we very li hai right ... Then went to ps to buy movie tickets. Couldn't decide what to watch haha but since initially already said watch corspe bride so stick to it loh. Then went to shop as we still have alot of time.

Went taka buy donut!! Wah... very nice wor, haiz spend quite alot on food hehe, i so long nv eat le loh.. not very long la just maybe since yesterday, so hungry cannot take it le..though still abit no appetite but see choc leh at least can eat loh....=)

The show was not very worth it la i think, initially it was quite bored in the end still quite ok la. However, its not worth it. Though in the end quite touching, it's still very wood loh those characters like not very lively. Hee, anyway their actions quite funny.

Anyway after that still went to walk walk then go hm, wah when i reach hm it was like 940. Quite tired hope i can slp well tonight. Hai tml will be another day, thinking of how to spend it.

I really miss out alot of things in this 2 yrs plus.

11:00 PM

-Jing Juan-

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Well.....today will be an end of our 2yrs plus relationship. Don't ask why. Just too much accumulation n things crop up. Things will never be the same, love has change, feelings are gone and he has change. Hard to accept, still trying to accept, still unwilling to accept but still has to accept because it is a fact now. Nothing will ever change his decision. Haiz. All things happen for a purpose i always believe that. I know this time Lord has his plans as well. Like what darryl always say what God gives He takes away also. Now i finally agree.

Life still has to go on. Hard to overcome for the moment but i am trying my best, at least i never cry when i type out this. Because now i trully know, no point already. No point fooling myself n hope that he will return. Now we are only friends n just friends. So what if he still allows me to call or sms. Haiz. it's over means over le. I just don't wish to call already perhaps occasion sms. Just want a final end to it. But sometimes just couldn't help it. I don't want to give myself time n limit myself, i just want to calm down n think logically.

Learnt many things throught this breakup. Well i must really say it's all because of me n all the things i did. So the change must be me. To be independent, patient, less demanding, more concern...........of cos there's alot..but most importantly build a relationship in God's hands. Meanwhile, i want to find back my ownself, the one whom i just believe in God, the passion to serve Him, the time when whenever things crop one i would seek xy rather than darryl, the time when i m serving well in cg n not only with darryl, the time when in my eyes there are many brothers n sisters not just darryl. After a chat with xy i finally realised, there's so much change in me. Blame myself not to have listen to their advices. Well, now listen also not too bad.
Will start to serve n build up my foundation. For relationship, well never will, its hard n too painful. Though it seems immpossible as i m very dependent, I will try. I hope maybe one day i will make up my mind.

Once again bring up the decision of going Aust. This time i asked my grandma n surprisingly she allows me to go. Maybe she doesn't wan me to get too upset though. Ask myself, is it because of advoidance or really want to be independent. For now, well i know myself well. But in 1.5 yrs down the road, i hope i have the courage to go Aust to study because i want to give a new try. However, still hope to get in local uni la. Aust is optional.

10:31 PM

-Jing Juan-

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Flower tied to the door

the decos on the floor

the dangling orchids

the bouquet at the reception table....

Such a class wedding i had ever attend...

11:58 PM

Cake n sunflower from my CG!

Happy 19th Birthday to me! Hai~ Older by another yr......gosh one more yr my age will start with a 2 digit not 1 anymore......dot dot...haha

Had a small celebration at church today..hee really appreaciate it..well this time was more formal..unlike last yr..dot....haha..i still rem it loh...thanks to u loh.. li qin..put that banana on my head...this yr's was really enjoyable but abit paiseh also..dun really like a big crowd ha....but still must thanks my cg alot..thanks ah if u all r reading...Got quite a few pressies.....got bookmark...key chain....sunflower.....think photo frame haven open yet...not with mi at the moment...at Darryl's house...then....a treat from my frens...a top...a skirt....n...well....oh..wallet...THANKS PPL...

Well.....it's just another normal sunday actually...though it's my birthday....went out with my fren....wah....she bought alot of things n spend over $100 plus dollars....dot....ha~ as if it's her birthday....hee... wen to take picture....eat...then the Darryl keep rushing mi hm...keep asking to be hm by 9...cause of a delivery...then i quickly rush hm...in the end still miss the delivery..."hai wo ran so fast" =P got hm n saw a big bouquet of sunflowers....ha....

1st time got flowers specially delivered to my house... @_@....abit waste of money la...i would rather spend the money on clothes but it is Darryl's "xin yi" so...better =X or else next yr got nothing hee =X... but i really think waste $$ cos very ex.. i sobs for him...i wan the $$ for something else haha =X

now i m dead tired... beginning of my 19th yr haiz...another yr of challenge waiting ahead...don't have much wishes actually... hee........

11:11 PM

Cake n sunflower from my CG!

11:11 PM

-Jing Juan-

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Wah...these few days have been really busy giving tuition to my students... one having psle the other one having n level....one day 4 hours loh..also killed me..hahaha...... but have been earning much also hehe got all my money le..cause today is the last lesson...means i m jobless for the next 2 months till they start school again..n i m surprise that they still want to continue next yr..wow...haha..no need to find agency for assignments..save my time also...ha....meanwhile have to eat grass....haha ...hope the pay can last through my holidays..

Booked an appointment for treatment n cut..hmm cost around $30 ba i think... not so bad...hehe tot of going back to chapter 2 but ahzi..too ex no money...also thinking of going manicure..hehe...haiz.. girls are always ai mei... ha..... see how's my pocket 1st....

Tml i m going for bbQ.....friend's 21st birthday..he's quite xing fu still can enjoy n celebrate haha..not like Darryl never really celebrate..so poor thing...hmm..next yr must compensate back to him...then still have sushi class tml moring..haiz.... must travel to Kovan..so FAR!!!! poor me...have to wake up very early loh...bleah....hope after that i can know how to make sushi..hahaha.....hee....

10:51 PM

-Jing Juan-