Thursday, August 26, 2004
Bleah...Don't know why cant access to internet xplorer at home...Sosian wan leh....now in sch lah then..think my pc tio virus le.. have to reformat it loh.. no choice..worried that all my pics and data will be gone...!!!! Boo!
1:26 PM
-Jing Juan-
Sunday, August 22, 2004
God is still faithful.
Many things happened, i wasn't feeling alright actually, abit of emptiness, abit of sorrow and abit of hurt. However, i am more calm today le. No more tears, though my eyes are watery, it soon dry up before it roll down my cheek. Haiz....
Why God is still faithful to me no matter what I did. I feel so thankful! After all these things happened, i really really feel like taking a break seriously, this thought came to my mind, i wanted to run away, i don't feeling like doing anything cause it's like there's no more motivation. I don't wanna serve anymore, i don't feel like going to TQ nor service. I just want to be alone, locking myself up everyday. Everything seems fine outside but deep down in my heart i am crying. When people is around i kept myself in silence, once i am alone i cant control my emotions. Why I must make this decision? Why can't I be like others? It's because i am a christian. The decision i made must be something honourable to God. But i am the one sufferring! But God is still faithful. He never let me suffer alone. He send people to comfort me and speak through me. Why everytime i want to give up God always speak to me. Once was after i took my Os results and today. He let me realised what is really wrong. He wants me to fix my eyes on Him alone and no one else but i did not.... I always tell myself that i must rely on Him and love Him before other things but someone replace Him in my heart. Perhaps that's the reason why God took him away. This is something He want me to learn again despite the first failure. Cause God knows that my heart had drift away from Him, I start to find comfort not in Him but someone. He also let me realised that really in everything we do we must seek Him and wait first before anything, it seems easy when you say it but it's hard when actually you want to do it.
After service today, there's a class for us. We are like passengers on a bus, along the journey alot of people board the train but there are also some who have alight. Can I really sit till i reached my destination? I almost give up, I already had the thought of not coming to church. Because the impact is really so big that i am like being defeated. But no! I don't want and will not be the passenger that will alight halfway through. This is the decision i have to make, God give me everything i wanted how can i give up myself after such thing? I promise Him that I will continue to serve no matter how hard things are. There are many decisions but why must I make such? Cause i want God to bless me eventhough i can't bear to. L told me anything i done for the honour of God i will not be disappointed in the end. I can choose not to, cause i really don't want to... imagine life without him is so horrible. No calls, cant go out and less sms. I almost lost my senses. I know if i wait patiently God will bless me. Everyone told me that, do u think its so easy to get over it? No. There's so much worries, so many what if...but i must have faith...then where's my faith??? Haiz...sobs...
Really hated myself like that. I never want to get into relationship again if it's not God's will. Never want to. I feel like i am inside a super deep well that i cant climb out. I see the light but i kept struggling inside. When will i get over it? When? God when? Why cant i wait initially? Why i am so impatient? Shouldn't started, regret starting it....but I never regret something and that's loving that someone. That's what the person said too and i agreed... I really don't want it to be like that, there's alot of times i want to go back to before, but can't cause i promised. The temptation is so strong everyday i couldn't control myself just feel like calling him or meeting him...but can't caused i already promised. 2.5 years seems so long.... who knows what will happen.... faith will help us through right? I believe it. If 2.5 years' up and if we're not meant for each other, then let it be....... That time i will not commit the same mistake again...
Now...i just want to concentrate on serving, studying...and my violin...I will never alight anywhere before my destination i hope that person will not too....cannot break those promises wor...
Ru GuO YaO ZoU, QiNg Ni Ji De Wo
Ru GuO NaN GuO, QiNg Ni WaNg Le Wo
3:11 PM
-Jing Juan-
Friday, August 20, 2004
Haiz....why must thing be like that...
I hate to wait!!!!!
I hate myself keep starring @ the hp hopeing someone will sms me.
I hate everything that has been happening around me.
I hate it when i have to be alone.
12:33 AM
-Jing Juan-
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Yoyo back...
While taking bus on my way to school. AT the crossroad of Jurong east central there's a car accident. The car was badly damaged due to the impact. There were a few policemen, i think the victim was sent to hospital le ba. Saw a pool of blood, aiyo so poor thing...haiz...very sad de leh... must really hao hao cherish yr life and xiang zuo de shi jiu yao qu zuo cause one may not know when he will die....haiz...
Wah today really enjoyed myself. Today's DCP day. Yeah! I wonder y there's no Dchem day, Dopt Day or DBT day but DCP day and the school organise a DCP idol hehe....Perhaps because our course has the most number of students or maybe cause our course is the only Cls course that will stream to different options in 2nd yr...
It was located at Vanda Room. Wah they decorated like hotel, it was kind of formal type, and all of us were so shock. There was buffet specially for us also. Cool sia...1st time.Hee....Our class was the last to perform. Haiz cause last class in DCP ma, 1b/27. The stage B students always has previlage. We got to sit at the front just below the stage. Like 1st class seats like that. Hee =P Then before everything started our class tutor distribute Chocolates leh wah so happy. Chocolates light up my gloomy day. Hee!
The performances of the rest of the class were hmm..ok loh...not very special. There's only one class which i remembered, a couple played the piano and the rest were singing. Song - Too serious too soon. Very nice worz...and very lan man also...The girl played with her right hand while the guy with his left hand.. Somemore the song so nice..heee..Since the rest were not as good as us, obviously we won the Idol contest. Hee...yeah..i agreed our class really put alot of effort in it despite of our busy schedule and projects.
Hee.. so happy that all of us cheered so loud, we won best cheer team award as well as the DCP idol. Our class tutor decided to treat us to a meal and we are going to eat pizza and KFC with the given voucher. Hee now the whole DCP student know us le... 1b/27...
My friends kept asking if i was okay. But i am. Does my face look horrible today? I am ok loh..Really...Haiz..How should i put it. Time will earase off everything but feelings will remains.
After the buffet and photo taking session i headed home. So tired... Hee took a rose home...don't want to waste it anyway they are goingt to throw away also.
7:36 PM
-Jing Juan-
Monday, August 02, 2004
Hmm....kinda busy..that's y nv update.
School work starts to tumble up. I have 2 projects, 2 lab practical and my worst module CPPB "PUI". Haiz.. Tomorrow i don't have to go school guess i will stuck myself at home to clear all my stuff. I am feeling very cold now, am i sick or what? But my forehead wasn't warm, i guess i don't have fever. Perhaps it's because this morning i ran in the rain to catch the bus. As usual i am lazy that's y i did not bring umbrella. I feel abit giddy also, wonder y i am so weak. Haiz, when i think of unfinish stuffs my head starts to spin again.
Now i am doing a survey on "FOOD", i left 11 sheets to finish, and the date-line is wednesday.
#$%#@$ Still have to consolidate those results and plot graph by thursday. The module "IDEA" has a project too, creating and come up with a new product that hasn't been sold anywhere. UrGh" Sign*Still have to type introduction for it. =(:) Sobs* My mircrobiology lab, so tough, all the answers could not be found on the lecture notes. Have to do research again. Hate being in front of the pc for so long, my cant stand the heat. Last Sunday i had a terrible time doing my IC chemistry formal report, i spent practially the half day completing it. Haiz..k don't think about school work anymore, pls pls don't be stress.
I saw a new hp E600C, wah the hp very nice, now mi xin yang yang le...don't know which one to buy E700A or that hp. Meanwhile still have to save up alittle more.
Have you made the right choice?
Believing in a lie or truth?
10:13 PM
-Jing Juan-
