Monday, February 16, 2004
William
She was the finest thing I ever set my eyes upon. I was attracted to her the moment I saw her. Doing math tutorials alone in the library gets real boring at times. Taking a break, I looked up for a moment and saw her. Perhaps it was the way she walked. Perhaps it was the way she looked. To me, she was just another average girl. Strangely, I was attracted to her and I don’t even know why.
She looked at my direction for a while and chose an empty seat a distance opposite me and started doing her work. I was entranced by the way she would flick her shoulder length hair away from her round, bright eyes. She seemed to know that I was staring at her, as she looked at me and gave me a small smile. Immediately, I looked back toward my notes, face turning red. I looked at my watch and realized that my next lesson was starting soon. I grabbed my things, gave the girl one last look and fled the scene.
Linda
“ He’s quite cute!”
“ Looks very si wen.”
“ You sure he’s looking here?”
Those were Lynn, Fiona and Erica. It has been a few weeks since I saw him for the first time. He was pretty easy to notice since he always sat directly opposite me. It was obvious that he was staring at me. Suddenly, he got up and walked in my direction.
“ He’s coming this way!”
He stood right in front of me. I looked up at him, wondering what he would do next.
“ Er…. hi…. my name is uh… William, and I would uh…. like to be your friend. Can I have your uh…. phone number?” he stammered out, fidgeting nervously.
He looked so comical that I could not help but giggle a little. This must be his first time asking for a girl’s number.
I took his mobile phone and entered my number.
“You can call me Linda.” I replied, smiling at him.
“Uh…. thanks I have to go now bye.” William rushed away.
All of us burst out into laughter. Somehow, we found the whole exchange hilarious. Deep inside, I was surprised and rather happy that he took the initiative.
William
I got to know her much better after getting her number. We found that we had a lot in common. We could talk about anything under the sun. Linda was a kind, thoughtful girl. She told me that she once brought a stray cat home because it was injured. There was also another time where she helped a lost little boy to look for his parents in a shopping center. I grew to like her more and more. I decided to ask her out. A movie and dinner seemed appropriate. And so I decided to ask her out. I reached for the phone and dialed her number. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Its me, William.”
“Oh hi William! Whats’s up?”
“Are you free tomorrow?” I asked.
“Uh ya why?”
“Shall we go on a date tomorrow? I heard there’s a nice movie now so I was wondering if you would like to watch it with me?” I crossed my fingers as I asked her, hoping she would agree.
“Uh ok I guess…”
Yes! I practically cheered.
“I’ll meet you at Orchard mrt station at 3? Would that be ok?”
“Ya its fine.”
“See you tomorrow then bye.”
“Bye.”
My first date with her! Tomorrow! Better prepare early.
Linda
William was a perfect gentleman throughout the date. The little things he did made me like him even more. Things like opening the door for me, pulling out the chair for me. It was the first time he held my hand as well. The very moment felt special. And when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I did not reject. I was too embarrassed to say much. However, I was happy, and that’s what everything counts.
Over the weeks, our relationship grew stronger. We would often study together as well. Although we spent much time with each other, we did not neglect our families and friends as well. My birthday was approaching. I was so excited wondering what William would plan for me. The very thought left a smile on my face.
William
I was looking around for the lecture theater. I knew that Linda had a lecture at this time every week. I found it, opened the door, and stepped in. As I walked to the front, I could feel all eyes on me. The fact that I was carrying 20 red roses did not help either. I saved a long time for it too.
“Excuse me sir but can I interrupt your lecture for a short while?”
He must have guessed what I was trying to do as he nodded his head, smiling.
I walked up to where Linda was sitting. She never expected this and was so embarrassed that she could only look down. Her friends were all giggling and teasing her.
“Happy 20th birthday.” I said with a big grin, presenting my flowers to her.
As she took my flowers, I leaned down, lifted up her chin, and gave her a kiss right on the lips. I could hear cheering and applause. Till this day, I still don’t know why I did that. What a day.
Linda
Eventually, we graduated from poly. He would never fail to give me roses on my birthday every year. Even when he was in national service, he engaged the help of his friend, Julie, who runs a flower shop, to deliver roses to my place. After he got out, he started working in a bank. By then, we have met each other’s family members. Luckily, everything worked out real well. I was then studying in a university. Though young, I knew that I wanted to be with William. We got engaged soon after I graduated. When he put the ring on my finger, I wished that time would stop at that very moment.
Three years after we got engaged we got married. It was the happiest moment of my life. I could remember that entire day. Seeing all my friends and family who stood by me all the years watching me walk down the aisle, the feeling was indescribable. And there was William, looking as perfect as ever. As we both said, “I do”, I could not control my feelings and cried on the spot. No one can ever take this memory away from me.
William
“You can’t be serious.” I was shocked beyond words. Eyes wide in disbelief, I was certain that I misheard the doctor.
“I am very sorry sir, but it is affirmative. You have three months to live. We do not have the capability or the means to combat your illness.”
“No… it cannot be true! I will go to other countries if necessary.” I was angry now, still refusing to accept the fact that I was dying.
“Even if you do, we detected the growth of the cancerous cells too late. No one can do anything now.”
I grabbed the doctor’s coat with one arm and balled up my fist. “No! There must be a way to fight this! Tell me that I am not going to die!”
“I’m sorry.”
As I let go of the doctor, I slumped back in my seat. Burying my head in my arms, I cried. Why? Why did this have to happen to me? I decided to keep mum about it. I must not let Linda worry about me.
Julie
The door opened and in stepped William. He looks strange today.
“Julie…”
“Flowers for Linda again?” I smiled.
“This… this is serious.”
From the tone of his voice, I knew that something was up.
“Julie, I’m dying. Cancer was detected too late. Its in its last stages now.”
It was as if a hammer hit me on the head. I was speechless.
“Will you help me do one last thing? Please.”
“Wh… how… I… ok I will.”
William passed me an envelope. “Just follow the instructions inside there. Thanks.” With that, he turned and left.
As I watched his leaving form, I opened the envelope. Inside it was a smaller card, and a piece of paper. After reading it, I knew what to do.
Linda
I rushed through the corridor, not caring for anything in my way. When I heard that William was in intensive care, I was stunned. I knew that he had been complaining of pains and coughing a lot recently. But intensive care? Can in be so serious?
William looked wrecked. Lying down there, with half open eyes, needing oxygen to help him breathe, I was shocked. Just what had happened to him?
“Linda….” His voice trailed off.
“Don’t worry I’m here. What’s wrong with you?” I clasped him hand in both of mine.
“I’m dying…. Cancer…. Its too late for me now…” his voice was just a whisper.
“No… Why did you not tell me!” I yelled. Tears flowed down, not stopping. This cannot be true.
“I didn’t…. Want… you to worry…”
“No… no… no… don’t leave me please no! You can’t do this to me!”
With one last breath, his eyes closed forever, never to open again.
After he died, I found that I could not concentrate on anything. I would cry myself to sleep most nights. I just could not get over his death. Many people tried to talk to me but I would not even listen. I wanted William back so badly.
I looked at the date. It was my 35th birthday. Only two weeks since William died. A loud DING DONG then jolted me out of my thoughts. As I opened the door, I was furious. Someone had sent me flowers. Roses in fact. Before I could berate Julie on what such a bad joke it was, she spoke first.
“Read the card.”
As I looked down, I realized that there was a small card with the bouquet. It was William’s handwriting! My anger turned to surprise as Julie left. I sat down and began to read.
Dearest Linda,
I planned the roses. You will continue receiving them every year.
On the first day I saw you, I knew you were special to me. You still are and you always will be. I know that you will not take my death lightly.
My tears started flowing again.
There is so much more in life to live for. I will always be with you. Wherever you are, I will be in your heart. I will never leave you as long as you do not forget me. Live your life for me, in remembrance of our love we shared.
Yours eternally,
William
Even after his death, he still cares for me so much. I decided to honour his last wishes and pick my life back again. I will continue living and I await the day where I can be with him once again, forever this time.
By Darryl Wang
11:35 PM
-Jing Juan-
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
today's violin lesson was pleasant.....learned to play two more new songs.....so we dragged till 40min..hmm..not bad la my teacher...no matter how many doubts i have he will explain till i understand..... he's quite patient too...cause i asked plaenty of stupid questions yet he did not even vent his anger on me...say i slow or what....my church friend wana buy a violin from him..since he can get it at a cheaper price....and he passed me his name card...hmmm...with his hp no. and full name....hmmm...how am i suppose to call him when he doesn't even know my name...always calls me "eh" Oei" Hello!"
P/s:Eh pl i not calling hor so u want u call yrself...
This week's going to be unpleasant.....just feel super fan....super slack...doesn't seem to have the desire to do anything....i hate myself in this state...its like the other side of me....Things hasn't been right from the start and i still allow myself to step into it? Zhi tao ku chi! Somethings are better left unsaid. That's what i had learnt. Its so different, i feel that something is lacking. I should not feel it this way! Obviously if i do, it's not God centered in my heart but something else. Why? Oh pls....God take away! I may take it as though its nothing but....no? I knew Satan's using this to trap and tempt me...."His words"are what i should seek.....Hai..."fan!!!"Trying very hard not to think....but.....hai....
At the first place i shouldn't know the truth.....then..it will not turn out this way....i am not blamming anyone.....
k off to QT.......
11:16 PM
-Jing Juan-
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Today's the last day of David and Deborah's presence in our church.......we presented some songs for them.....some flowers...and erm..food....
From the first day i stepped into Cym...till now....not very long.....but its not short too...remember that time we had our gathering at woodland evangelical free church..then we moved to charis centre..then to respective cg..then till now TQ....there were so many changes...but we still stay on to each other....his preaching...prayer life....worship....discussions....really...made an impact in my life.....most of his words and guidance really encourage me...long long time ago...he said about never ever take those bro & sis around you for granted..cherish them...." story about Lot" "having a PRAYER life" "his bgr lesson" "bible study" and alot more......there were times we went street evangelism, night tour, sentosa, bbq, pulau ubin, church camp and we prayed and worshipped till midnight, youth camp.........And i learned from him that no matter what dreams, plans whatever things that you wana do.....and you may not know your directions....God's word is like the light that brighten our path...Seek Him first before you start planning...doing...if you never spend time to be with him, how can you hear His voice....fellowship, worship, whatever are important..but....Reading His words are priority......May Lord bless their paths ahead...
I shall stop reading The Purpose Driven Life first and move on to Boy meets Girl..they keep telling me that its a very nice book and it will show you how you go into proper relationship which God planned and how to seek God for choosing your lifetime partner...and is he or she the one God has planned for you? I just read the first chapter..and i learned something and it says " why not enjoy friendship with the opposite sex but use our energy as singles to serve God?" And wow it really struck me....ya...i mean why not? There's no need to hurry into such things...moreover...no one knows if someone is really meant for another? He/She may not turn out to be your lifetime partner...Dating and Courtship is entirely different......when i read more i will know more......('.')~
10:24 PM
-Jing Juan-
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
yoz backz.....wah so long nv update...haha lazy...went for violin lesson today....my teacher!!!!he's so!!!!!!!! ArGh.......Finally he taught me how to play a song...yah..song....."mary had a little lamb" -_-"""""""""""""""""" ArGh!!!!! kaoz.....i so big le leh......then i grumble loh of cos! He said "haiz.. u haven learn how to walk wanna fly" ok fine..... so we play loh...he taught me how to read notes...okie....then started playing...obviously its super slow......for the 1st time...then he said faster...okie i play faster abit....then he said even faster...wah think i what....then he not satisfied he hold my hand and the bow then ask me play...he move so fast...how to catch...isn't this like flying also.....ArHGh!@hmmm.......... today..i was quite curious about his violin so i went to hold it..then i asked "eh how much is yr violin ahz?" guess what..kaoz...his violin............ah!!!!! he replied" you are holding a $13000 violin" PengZ" haha.....
jus finished my devotion..wondering what am i doing here..cause i still have words to prepare ahz! hehe...
In a relationship....you need trust, understanding, patient, care, love and committment......it's so complicated......... i feel that i doesn't have any of those....haiz....maybe the cruellest sentence is "can't we just be friends" "like" doesn't mean have to be together........what about the consequences? What if? That time we cant even be friends.....aiyah...i still haven enjoy my single life yet....so....not forever pls..hee...but till...maybe......don't know......haiz....=(
Everyday....i want to serve, worship, love.......YOU(.")('',)
11:10 PM
-Jing Juan-
